The majority of problems that occur in our relationships essentially have one central theme. Communication which lacks connection. We stop listening to each other, we stop hearing the others needs, the value in what connects us as a couple gets lost in the importance of our own self interest. Ouch.... you might say!
As human beings we are all drawn to each other by instinctual drive, so before anything else the sexuality of our own nature will compell us towards another. Once we are together then comes the challenges. Our personal habits, values and beliefs start to intermingle with our physical play and we find out quite quickly whether we are attracted to each other and whether there is a future in this or not.
If the attraction and interest keeps us compelled to each other so that (I cant stop thinking about you! I hope he/she calls me soon! I wonder what she/he is doing right now!), which then leads to you spending more and more time together, before long you will find yourself well into a relationship of sorts.The equation of social relations is quite simple when you put it like this though in reality relationships are far more complex than anything we can imagine and its the language of this complexity that creates the foundation for problems and the pathways for our resolutions.
Blame becomes the game, which leads you to nowhere
When problems arise often the first thing we do is try and name the problem or try to give it an identity of sorts. He/she did this. Once a problem identity is recognised we then go looking for its creator and before long it becomes quite clear ~ They said, They did, therefore its their fault. Or maybe its my fault Once self esteem and self identity drama's interplay it often becomes someones fault in some way. The humble begginings of blame feed into our relations and a roller coaster ride begins.
As problem identities form they put a wedge between us, they separate us from the beautiful, attractive and loving connections that make us couples and build negative images and feeling states within our relationships. When our language and communication wraps itself around these separative tendancies our relationship and its emotional momentum rides the rollercoaster which if left to its own means will either cause problems, make life more difficult and potentially bring everything that is good about your connections to an abrupt end with a resounding crash.
Communication and intimacy diminishes
When relationships suffer, communication declines, intimacy diminishes and you endure each others company rather than enjoy the nectar of each others uniqueness. Similarities fade and differences become hurdles sometimes seemingly impossible to climb. The future becomes bleak and you may feel that your relationship is travelling rudderless through a storm without navigation. Hopes and dreams feel diminished and all that you are both hanging onto are the routines and habits that you have formed in your day to day life together over time. This is definately not a good place to be in and if these words touch you in some way maybe its time to seek help.
For those who cannot work it out together counseling can help.
Counseling helps couples and individuals find a platform for better communication and understanding. There is substantial evidence to show that counseling helps whether one on one or as a couple. Having a third person who can encourage, sometimes clarify and direct and at the very least help identify the barriers to loving communication, goes a long way to help scaffold the positive building blocks of a loving relationship.
How a health retreat program can help.
Health retreats with skilled and experienced therapists can offer unique opportunities to help rebuild a damaged relationship. They help to:
- To just get away from the day to day situations of family, work and other possible challenges that influences your relationship time together.
- To be somewhere new and refreshing, to make quality time to work on the problems & issues and the details that create barriers in your relationship.
- To build better foundations for more loving possibilities and outcomes for you and your partner.
Often just having the right environment, at the right time, with the right influences can help make significant shifts in the perceptions and understandings you have of each other and, as a result of this you may both find the courage to continue, the trust that you need, the hope that is necessary and a pathway into the future that serves you both individually and together.